Flat Earth Theory Is Killing Me

I read article about how Flat Earth theory followers explained the lunar eclipse that occurred last week on January 20/21. And, I have to say, it's the craziest thing I have ever heard.

In their theory, an unseen object sits in font of the Sun, it is unseen because of the powerful light radiating from the Sun hides it from us. When that object hit a certain spot in front of the Sun, it casted a shadow on the Moon causing the eclipse.

1) We have camera technology that can take pictures of the Sun with dark lenses or use computer software to remove the blazing radiation so that we can see the Sun's surface, and there is no object.

2) Yes, Mercury and Venus sometimes cross in front of it, but they are not big enough to cause an eclipse that would cast on the Moon.

Why is it easier for them to create unbelievable fantasy of how the Earth interacts with the Sun and the Moon as a flat disc, then to believe the centuries of astronomy from scientists such as Galileo, Copernicus, Newton and others who faced prosecution for what the undeniable proof that we revolve around the Sun, our planet is a sphere that also rotates on an axis, eight other planets also revolve around this one Sun, they also have Moons that are spherical that revolve around then, and beyond that there are millions more planets and stars scattered across the universe?

If it were fiction for entertainment, I would be thoroughly entertained, yet it is not. The scary thing is they are trying to pass this off as truth. That we are all on a flat surface and somehow there is day and night. I actually don't know how they explain this because the idea is so absurd, I don't want to know. Because at the end of the day, they don't have proof. They have no evidence that any of this true, yet astronomers and astrophysicists do have proof that the universe works in the way we have all been taught that it does in school.

Don't fall prey to this false information because of some sort of intellectual rebellion, or need to be different or part of a group. There are plenty of conspiracy theories and even more human drama playing out fulfill any and all of those needs. Believing in a flat Earth should not be one of them.

The Next Revolution Will Be Voicemail

It is time to revolutionize VOICEMAIL.

For a short period of time, you were able to answer your phone even if you didn't recognize the number. But now with SPAM calls on the rise, those days are over. So we hear a lot more of this:

Ring. Ring. Ring. Click. 

"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, [reading of number], is not available. At the beep, please leave a message. After you are finished recording, hang up or press one for more options."

Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEP.

The same voicemail message we heard back in 2003 when cell phones started to become smaller and more affordable for everyone. Of course now, a person can not live without a smart phone. 24/7 connectivity is a must, even when you have ran through all your data and have to download news stories at a 100kb/s. Brutal, yet possible.

And why call anyway, when you could text message without all the anxiety of talking? It's faster and more efficient, except when you have to stop and google acronyms that really slow you down and the person you're texting thinks you stop talking to them and when you finally respond it's two or three days later when you hear from them. At least, that's my experience.

Well, you might not believe it, but sometimes calling is necessary, especially when it comes to business. Texting seems impersonal, where a voice to voice exchange means BUSINESS.

Or you're bored and would rather talk to someone then constantly spell check your text messages, especially if you have been partaking in mind altering activities such as drinking or getting high that impairs your ability to push those tiny little buttons. Another experience I have I had.

In those circumstances, the person you are calling will have your contact info programmed into their phone so they can see who is calling, or at least I hope. Except in business calls, NOT SPAM, the person won't have your number unless they do business with you on a regular basis.

The amount of calls I have to make are not that many soI don't have my customers numbers programmed into my phone, yet I do recognize most of their numbers when they do call. Although, my customers don't always recognize my number when I call. So again, I hear a lot of this:

Ring. Ring. Ring. Click. 

"Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system, [reading of number], is not available. At the beep, please leave a message. After you are finished recording, hang up or press one for more options."

Beep. Beep. Beep. BEEP.

The same thing I heard when I had my first cell phone back in 2003. I am repeating myself, but the point is: WHY HASN'T VOICEMAIL BEEN UPGRADED?

Everyone knows what the Beep means. Everyone knows what to do when it beeps. And no one, I guarantee you, is pressing one for more options. What other options could there be? Unless it is going to translate my message into a foreign language, then don't bother having any other options.

In our current fast paced, I don't want to wait culture that we are living in theses days, the current voicemail message can seem like an eternity. A plain and simple solution to the problem of voicemail is to make it short, quick and to the point. Then this is all it should be:

"Leave a message for [reading of number]." 

BEEP. 

Finished.

The only other ornament is have the owner of the record their name to replace the reading of the phone number. Yes, that's right, personalized messages should also be abolished. Because you are just saying the same thing as the robot voice, only in your own voice, so it creates the same problem we already have. In the new version, all you have to do is say your name, like a signature, say it and you're done.

No pressure to be funny. No pressure to be quirky. No pressure to be professional. Only say your name, or don't and let the message read your phone number. No one is paying attention anyway, they are just waiting for that BEEP.

If you agree or disagree, feel free to let me know in the comments. Otherwise, let's get this thing started so that I don't have to wast my time listening to that old antiquated voicemail message I have already heard over a thousand times.

Writing: Time Jumps

I was reading Loser by Chuck Palahniuk, a short story in the book Stories: All New Tales
(Buy it here---->Stories: All New Tales Edited By Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrontonio  or pick it up at your local library.) 

In Loser, he tells a story of a Frat boy at The Price is Right (although he never says it) tripping on acid. It's very entertaining, as I enjoy Palahniuk's novels. Although, as I am also familiar with The Price is Right, he made a choice in his story to skip the part when you spin the wheel to win the chance to go to the showcase. He instead jumps straight into the showcase with a time job maneuver with the sentence:

"It's like forever later, but you win all the way to the Showcase Round." pg. 198

As a writer myself, I think about this choice and my own writing:

1. This is something I am afraid to do. 

2. This is something I don't know how to do. 

3. Is this something I want to do. 

In my novel, The Van Allen Horror (working title), I have them flying towards the moon and use the need for sleep, something very real, to pass the time as they fly without having to write a lot of extraneous dialogue and action. But, the wheel is something crucial to The Price is Right experience. Why wouldn't he take a paragraph to write about the experience of spinning the wheel, 

The curved object spun at a rate slower than I felt my muscles do. The sea of red shirted Zelta Delt brothers screamed for it to keep going, but not in those words, in the continuous chant they started forever ago. The smear of white with a splash of blue green beeped at a pace that made me feel I was having a heart attack. And with each slower beep, it calmed me down until it stopped, then time stopped and a ding that sent under a sign that when I kept looking up thought was an upside down 60. The United States Marine man made it up. It was his turn. He spun the wheel at a pace I was sure was going to send it off flying off the stage, hitting a perfect ten through the red sea of Zelta Delts. A collective 'Awww' before the marine shook hands with the grey haired man and mentioned returning after these messages. 

Something like that. Except in my own style. 

I like my stories to represent real time, yet every story, focusing on short stories, can't represent the whole day in the life of our characters. We have to break it up into the most important moments of the story, otherwise it will be boring for the reader, and the writer.

In a short story I am working on, Tub Licker, I am using time jumps with line spaces. After one scene ends, I skip two lines and start the new scene either an hour from the last line or a whole day, I've read other writers who use this method and find it to be a useful way to time jump through all those boring moments like: unpacking, cleaning, going to the bathroom, etc., that, in this story, don't have any plot or character development contained in them.

One writer, Edgar Cantero, in his great book Meddling Kids, calls the skipping of lines out in a brief moment of Meta writing. In the chapter, he finishes a paragraph, skips two lines then writes, "Two blank lines later," then continues the action without skipping any time at all. The key to this being that it fits the style of his writing throughout the whole book, and it doesn't break the reader's suspension of disbelief. It has a natural flow that fits into the story, and provides an instance of humor within the tense action that is happening to the characters. 

As a writing exercise, find a time jump moment in one of your favorite stories and write what you think would happen in that time. 

As a writer, think about how you use time and different techniques you use, or want to develop, in skipping over certain parts of your story.

Feel free to share your writing in the comments, or share any advice or other examples that you may have on the subject of time jumping in writing with me. I am always happy to learn and discuss writing techniques with other writers or avid readers. 

Test Taking Disappointment

   I took a test for my Wine Spirit Education Trust (WSET) Level 1 certification in wine. The first proctored test I have taken since I took the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) Level 4 back in 2010. The first test of knowledge I had taken since finishing graduate school in 2007. And the one thing you forget if you haven't taken a test in a while, it's not always about what you know, yet also about making good decisions on the questions that you don't know. And, on the few questions I struggled with, I don't feel like I made good decisions when answering them.

   I know I got the questions wrong. I reviewed the answers once I got home and know that I choice the wrong answers. I don't care about being wrong, or not knowing the answer, but what I do care about is making the best decision on what the answer is based on what I do know, and I didn't do that. I answered too quickly without thinking through the answers and instead went with a gut reaction.

   I have been sitting here all afternoon working on excuses on why I failed and didn't receive a 100%. The best I came up with is: Test Dyslexia. I have known a lot of people through my schooling years who had text anxiety, and never thought it was a real thing. The only test I ever took that made me sweat was the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT), and I did very poorly, never studying or doing any SAT Prep didn't help either. But, I learned my lesson and with practice and studying did a lot better on the American College Testing (ACT).

   But those were the good old days when you took a test a week. You were doing something we call: Practicing. Taking all those tests every week prepared you to take, more tests. So now when you have to sit down to take a test, maybe there is a bit of anxiousness or nerves, and in some of the questions all the answers started to run together almost like I couldn't read, hence test dyslexia. But again, this is just an excuse I am making so that I feel better about getting those answers incorrect. I actually don't have test dyslexia or test anxiety, I didn't get them right, because I didn't know the answer.

   No matter how you feel about tests, when you are an adult and haven't taken one in a long while, you forget some of the simple rules of test taking like: when you don't know the answer, break it down into what you do know and find the answer that best supports that assumption. And this is the true reason why I am upset, because I made poor decision making when choosing an answer.

   I like to boast that I have confident skills in creativity, problem solving and decision making. But I didn't show those skills today. Even though I did pass, I failed at what really matters to me. So now I have to pick up the pieces, learn from mistakes and move on. I am still here, and have to continue to move forward and improving, and not let the mistakes of the past derail progress or hold me back from my final destination of a brighter and safe future.

A TV Show Idea That I Had

Serial Killer Hunter: Lain

3 Seasons (12/Season)

Cold Open - Episode 1

Open on a date. 

Man: This is only my third Tinder date. 

Lain: Really. This is my first. I've talked to some people, but never was brave enough to meet. Until now. 

Jack raises his glass, Lain follows suit. 

Jack: To being brave. 

Lain: To being brave.

They CLINK their glasses together. 

Later, outside in the street. 

Jack: I don't live that far. Just for a little bit. I swear. 

Lain: No, I have work tomorrow. But, I would like to see you again. 

Jack: I would like that too. 

jack brushes the hair out of her face. 

Jack: I'll call you. 

Lain: Yes. Call me. 

Jack: Well, good night. 

Lain: Bye. 

Lain starts walking off down the street. Jack stands and watches her as she goes. 

Cut to: 

Lain enters her apartment. A montage of various states of undressing ends with a towel tied around her while she turns on the shower. 

Cut to:

Jack's POV

Outside the window on the fire escape, Jack sits watching Lain in her towel walk back and forth between two rooms in the hall. When she doesn't return, Jack lifts the window, it opens. 

Jack: You should learn to lock your window. 

He enters into the living room, sneaks across the floor to the closed bathroom door. You can hear the shower running in the hall. He goes for the doorknob, opens it and a rush of STEAM come billowing out. In the bathroom, he sees the shower curtain closed around the tub, a shadow of a female occupies the other side, steam all around. He sneaks closer and closer until he reaches for the shower curtain and opens it. On the other side is a wooden female mannequin. 

Cut to: 

Jack standing in front of the mannequin, his hand holding the shower curtain where he pulled it open.

Jack: What the hell? 

Lain comes up behind him holding a long hunting knife and stabs him in the side. Jack groans and falls to the floor facing Lain. She stabs him in the chest, gets real close to his face. 

Lain: I knew about you. The two woman you killed. Bonnie and Savannah. 

Jack (gasping): How did you know? The police don't even know. 

Lain: They told me. 

Jack: What? How?

Lain: I don't know. But I'm happy to grant them their wish. 

Lain stabs him in the throat and watches as the blood oozes from his neck while Jack chokes on the blade then dies. 

Main Title 

Bjork - Hyperballad (1996)

Recently I have been listening to Bjork's Hyperballad from her 1996 album Post. 

First, I guess I am ashamed to say that I was a poser. I loved the idea of Bjork, but when it came down to it, I never had listened to her with deep interest, besides the music video for Oh So Quiet. Deep down I always knew she was something special, because I always remember her and I often think, "I should listen to Bjork.", then by chance a song came up in my YouTube playlist of Crystal Castles, the song Hyperballad. 

Hyperballad is a song about a person going to the edge of a mountain and throwing off objects, then imagining throwing themselves off a cliff, wondering what the sound would make, and if their eyes would remain closed, or open?

As a person who thinks about jumping off the tops of buildings a lot, I find this song to be refreshing. Written back when I was a high schooler during the era of numerous rock stars killing themselves with suicide or overdose and others following their example, it makes sense she would write a song about suicide during that time. Now past the golden age of suicides, thankfully (still watch the 90's Japanese horror classic 自殺サークル translated as Suicide Circle), and now unfortunately in an era of mass shooting facing the second civil war, suicidal tendencies (another great band) are on the rise.

***I, in no one endorse or advocate for any individual or group to commit the act of suicide or overdose. If you feel like hurting yourself in any way, please contact friends, family or a professional health service provider for assistance. 

I would never end my life because I am too afraid of dying, but the feeling of depression that pushes me towards those thoughts is always with me. To have a song that encapsulates that feeling and makes me feel less alone helps me cope, and hope they help you too if you feel these same feelings. Plus, the thought of throwing things off the side of a cliff and watching them break is pretty cool also.

As for the song itself, the biggest controversy I have found after doing a search for the lyrics, each site writes out the chorus that she sings, "To be safe up here with you.", yet when I listen to the song I hear, "To be safe again with you." There is a definitive guttural 'g' sound, rather than a popping 'p' followed by a breathy 'h' sound, or even a high-pitched 'ere' for me to hear "up here".

In the refrain, I will admit I can hear, "Safe up here", but in the chorus I can only hear, "Safe again."

I don't know how this discrepancy came about, either from lyric sheets in the linear notes of the album, or by misinterpretation. Yet, by any means of the imagination, "up here", cannot be heard by me, and no one will be able to convince me otherwise, except Bjork herself.

Listen for yourself:




One of the best live versions:




And this is one of my favorite remixes:




One thing is clear, this song is amazing no matter which lyrics you hear, but if you hear "up here", instead of "again", or do hear "again", like I do, or don't care and just love this song and want to thank me for bringing it to your attention, reach out and let me know. 

@deadxpennies

I have been write 18 word penny fiction horror stories for twitter and Instagram @deadxpennies.

@deadxpennies

I release a new penny every Monday & Friday.



I hope you have a ghoulish day,


Joshua

T-Shirt Idea: Throw it in the trash.

Here is a T-Shirt idea:

Pura Still Marketing Slogan Ideas

Pura Still is a new alcoholic beverage that came out onto the market for 2019. It is a spiked still water, meaning it is like regular water (actually coconut water) with 4.5% alcohol in a 12 ounce bottle. It comes in two flavors at the moment, mango and blackberry.

Last year saw the rise of spiked seltzer drinks from brand names: White Claw, Truly, Smirnoff and Spiked Seltzer. They have a full array of flavors from lime to raspberry. They have taken off in popularity over the summer months, their target season.

The difference between the spiked seltzer and the spiked still water is carbonation. Seltzer water has a carbonation much like a soda, while the still water does not. Think a vodka soda compared to a vodka water. Sometimes you might be in the mood for one or the other, or you hate the taste of vodka and drink neither, that is why they are flavored.

I haven't seen any billboards or commercials advertising the Pura Still product, so I have a number of ideas I would like to pitch to the Pura Still marketing department.

Pura Still:

Want to drink water that gets you drunk? Then drink Pura Still. 

Have you ever been drinking water and thought, "I wish I was getting drunk." Now you can with Pura Still, the water that gets you drunk.

Spiked. OH YEAH! Still. OMMM. Water. WHAT? That's right, get hip to Pura Still. The water with a huge spike. 

Jesus turned water into wine, so Pura Still turned water into spiked water. 

What would Jesus do? Turn water into alcohol. Drink Pura Still spiked water today. 

Wanna get wet? Drink Pura Still spiked still water to get wetter than ever. 

Drink the water that gets you wet. Pura Still spiked still water. Never be dry again. 

Vodka? Too much ethanol. Akvavit? Taste like licorice. Stick to what you know, water. Pura Still spiked water. 

Spike my punch? Don't think so. Spike my water. Pura Still spiked still water. 

The spiked cold water that chills your bones.

The "water that gets you drunk" comes up a lot. Although I'm not in love with the word "drunk", but buzzed, intoxicated, stoned (doesn't even mean drunk anymore, means getting high) don't roll off the tongue. While "wet" would be effective, is more sexual than insinuating getting drunk.

Let me know which one is your favorite and include your own Pura Still spiked water ad slogan in the comments.